I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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