If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
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white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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