just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
