I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
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An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
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my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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