Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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