theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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