omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
so let's talk penis.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
