so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize