the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
