You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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