i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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