I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Randomize
