Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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