I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
