You can't motorboat a personality
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
please come you make the beer taste better
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Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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