it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
