i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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