Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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