We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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