Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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