He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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