The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
