chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Randomize
