I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I will pee on everything he values.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
