So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
