so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
