I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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