Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
