I am in a vortex of obligation.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
