I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
