3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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