M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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