ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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