I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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