I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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