i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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