he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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