I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
