He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
