I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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