guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
