i don't like sucking hair
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize