chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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