Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
