I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Buhtt sex?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
