Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
