where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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