# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
