I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize