I wish I could punch you in the face.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
