my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
