She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Randomize
