She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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