I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
