Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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