i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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