He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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