Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
