susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
