Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
