Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
