we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
