Got a toothbrush?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
