the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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