They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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